Today, Herb and I tried to create a new recipe and we rendered our taste buds useless for this endeavor. All the discomfort I felt from this process was alleviated because I knew Herb was going through the exact same thing.

That was insane, what I just went through. Thanks for hanging in there.

Today, I'm due to play some basketball. As a professional basketball player/fireman/restaurant owner, I am living out at least three childhood dreams. I only wish I was allowed to play during basketball games more often, put out more fires, and not have to put up with my "good friend" Herb. Also, I wish Yolanda would give me the time of day. I am not getting any younger, after all, and would like to see the look of shock and horror on Herb's face when he sees my progeny dwarf him, even fresh out of the womb.

My children will come into this world with all the skills and talents my wife and I possess, I believe. That is how it normally works, correct? The only babies I have dealt with to a great degree are those of Herb, and they inherited his uselessness.

My friend Herb is an evil, heartless child born out of wedlock. I would not cry if the power cut out while Traci Bingham was running along the beach on that syndicated show about lifeguards. If I ever become that devoid of intelligence, that I cry when I cannot see a woman running in slow motion in a swimsuit on television, then I request to be shot.

Herb does not realize that the television show "Sex and the City" does, indeed, have the occasional sex in it. While he may be in a loveless committed monogamous relationship, I am not, so I must live vicariously through the television. As for my love of "Little House", I am a big Laura Ignalls Wilder fan. So Herb can go have a loveless committed monogamous relationship with himself for all I care.

I did not see a movie this weekend. Yolanda was busy, as was Herb. I do not know what Yolanda was doing, but I know Herb went to go see that movie, the one I promised Yolanda I'd go with her to. I was rather surprised Herb allowed his wife to take him to see it, but he took my shock as to mean that I did not know of that movie.

I told him not to spoil it for me. I only hope that Yolanda is free soon, so that I may go with her to see it.

Today, Herb's wife told me an anecdote about Herb severely overestimating his own intelligence. I laughed, in a sad way.

I went to church today, and there was a sort of ATM machine in the vestibule. It turned out to be a machine to donate money to the church. I have no idea what is connected to, or how they're going to get money from it. When I brought this up the Deacon, he merely shrugged at me and told me that God will provide. I think the Deacon has gone insane.