Today, Herb was having a conversation with the Deacon about the power of prayer. Inevitably, it turned to Herb and what he would pray for, as Herb steered the conversation that way rather clumsily. The Deacon was understandably perturbed when Herb revealed that he used to steal candy bars and ask for God's forgiveness. I was appalled, but also delighted. You see, our restaurant used to have a selection of candy bars which would always go missing. I think Herb was behind this. I may put out a trap for him, a laxative-laced chocolate bar.

Also, I may be going to see a film this weekend. Would you suggest the movie with the actor recovering from substance abuse, or the movie about the fellow with anger management issues?

The Deacon uses the power of God to overcome the overwhelming taint Herb places over everything he surveys. Perhaps it's a good thing he's always coming into our failing restaurant.

Today, Herb told me of a disturbing story involving the pastor's assistant. He and Herb had gone over to the rectory in order to see the rectory's grill. I have seen this grill. It is needlessly ornate and filled with tubes and nozzles. In any case, the pastor's assistant went on to butcher one of the Ten Commandments, as Herb was immediately infatuated with the rectory's grill. Herb then began praying to this false idol.

I fear that the rectory has been infected, and I shall have to report them to the Vatican. It is my duty.

Apparently, Herb tried to poison the pastor by using pure gasoline to grill. He should have used propane, which he could have obtained from any reputable retailer of propane and propane accessories. Then, the outcome will have been the pastor tasting the meat, and not the heat.

I stole that line from that animated prime-time television show. I apologize.

The pastor's assistant came by the shop today, baffled. He remarked that he had gone to Herb's home, probably to conduct an exorcism, and his wife made the claim that Herb was offering up sacrifices to some sort of pagan god. I reminded the pastor's assistant that Herb is most likely a Satanist, and that Herb's wife's comment was ridiculous.

Apparently, Herb's wife actually meant he was barbecuing, but doing a poor job at it. So now the pastor's assistant knows that Herb worships the dark lord Satan. Boy, is my face red!

Today, I was happy as I thought about my father. While my mood quickly became depressed when I remembered how I had blown my first chance to thank my father for his support, and also the fact that I once had a glorious head of hair, I was happy while thinking of him. Happy Father's Day, Dad, wherever you are.

Also, if I recall correctly, my NBA team misprinted my initial jersey, putting Jamaal where my last name would be. This would make my name Jamaal Jamaal, and while that would put me into the same category as that video game character everyone used to talk about, this is not the case. I am sorry to disappoint.

Today, I remembered a conversation Herb and I had about things not too long ago. The fact that it eventually turned to the topic of things Herb's father (now passed away) said to him, and the realization that my friend Herb might fall victim to the injuries done upon him by those people of unlawful leanings brought me a small measure of joy. Does this make me a bad person?