Today, Herb told me of a disturbing story involving the pastor's assistant. He and Herb had gone over to the rectory in order to see the rectory's grill. I have seen this grill. It is needlessly ornate and filled with tubes and nozzles. In any case, the pastor's assistant went on to butcher one of the Ten Commandments, as Herb was immediately infatuated with the rectory's grill. Herb then began praying to this false idol.
I fear that the rectory has been infected, and I shall have to report them to the Vatican. It is my duty.