Yesterday, while I longed for human contact, no one came to my aid. As such, when I found my friend Herb having a temper tantrum in my kitchen this afternoon, I was rather surprised. I treated him with cold impassiveness in an attempt to gain some sort of comfort from him until he expressed his wish to some day win an argument with a woman. At this point, I felt as if I could become witty and borrow a line from my father, being incapable of having more advanced thoughts "on the fly", as it is. However, I realized too late that the line I had borrowed was merely on how futile it is to try and argue with a woman, and not winning those arguments as I had previously remembered. This struck me with a feeling of ennui and also affected my friend, Herb. I did not finish the sandwich I had made that day, and when it became clear to Herb that I was not going to escape my despair, he left to have another futile argument, no doubt.
I envy Herb. Though he may be Lilliputian in stature compared to myself, he has experienced the mutual touch of another human. As such, I shall not report Herb's trespass into my kitchen.